[JPL] Something to make your day.

Russell Haines rfhnyc_ at hotmail.com
Thu Jul 16 14:21:31 EDT 2009


Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:


1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.


And now, the honorable mentions:


2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its

men to have a look for himself.. He tried the machine and he also
lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman

had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his

incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable

and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.


6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he

got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab

some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store
window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on

videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the

woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.

Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the
car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."


9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't

open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on

a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor
home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted
to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose in to the

motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined
to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and

family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a
distantrelative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant
and hope they remain lost.

Remember.... They walk among us!!!*** And they vote!!!!




Russell Haines
Jazz/World Music Director
WWSP 90fm
1608 Reserve Street
Stevens Point, WI. 54481 



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