[JPL] Something to make your day.

Paul Combs pcomb at comcast.net
Thu Jul 16 21:02:00 EDT 2009


Thanks Russ, I needed a good laugh.

Paul

Russell Haines wrote:
> JAZZWEEK SUMMIT 2010: JUNE 17-19, RADISSON RIVERSIDE HOTEL, ROCHESTER N.Y. -- Mark your calendar!
>
> ******************************************************************************
>
>
> Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
> bestowed honoring the least evolved among us.
> Here is the glorious winner:
>
>
> 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
>
> during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
> Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
> barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
>
>
> And now, the honorable mentions:
>
>
> 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
> machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
> insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
>
> men to have a look for himself.. He tried the machine and he also
> lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
>
> 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
> during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
>
> had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
>
> 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
> found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
> from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
>
> incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
> waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
> mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
>
> and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
>
> 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
> wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
>
> received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
> see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
>
>
> 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
>
> counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
> the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
> the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
> fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
>
> got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
> you money, is a crime committed?]
>
> 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
> he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
>
> some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
> his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
> would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store
> window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
>
> videotape.
>
> 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
> grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
>
> woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
>
> Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
> the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the
> car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
> "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
>
>
> 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
> Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and
> demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
>
> open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
> onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
> man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
>
> 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
>
> a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
> arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor
> home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted
> to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose in to the
>
> motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined
> to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
>
> In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and
>
> family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a
> distantrelative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant
> and hope they remain lost.
>
> Remember.... They walk among us!!!*** And they vote!!!!
>
>
>
>
> Russell Haines
> Jazz/World Music Director
> WWSP 90fm
> 1608 Reserve Street
> Stevens Point, WI. 54481 
>
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
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>
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